mojotastic

First of all it's become abundantly clear why I don't picspam more often as apparently I am unable to put together a picspam that is a normal size and instead feel the need for it to be of EPIC proportions. I need to work on this. At the very least I did most of the capping/coloring while watching Are You Afraid of the Dark, so at least I was amused.

Secondly, last week's episode of Gossip Girl was sort of awesome wasn't it? Wasn't it? Bueller? Ok maybe it's just me and my love for Nate and Serena being ~card sharks~ and Blair whoring out Chuck to a dude.



Gossip Girl 3x06: Enough About Eve


Blair and Chuck look insanely gorgeous here. I just really love this look on the both of them, but especially on Blair. She has a very classic Hollywood look about her.


For whatever reason Chuck's stage clap here really cracks me up. Also! I didn't manage to get a cap of it but Chuck turns to Blair as she's having a nervous breakdown and gives her the most hilarious smile. I don't know what drugs Chuck are on in Blair's dream but I love it.

Also this is totally the best that Vanessa has ever looked on this show. Jessica Szhor is a beautiful girl but the clothes she wears on GG always look like color threw up all over them, Jackson Pollock-like. Or she'll have on giant, cheap looking accessories that look like they are trying to eat her face. Also, it's amazingly great that the best Vanessa looks is in Blair's nightmare, obviously adding to the horror of it all for Blair. A+


Can we talk about Chuck for a second in this scene? I just....it's so amazing. LOOK AT HIS PAJAMAS. They are purple with a PAISLEY print on them. Or is that a robe? If Chuck ever decided to do the Hugh Hefner thing, this is the exact kind of robe he would go around wearing. Or an argyle one. It's a toss up. Also hilarious: Chuck's tiny teacup.

I still can't tell if it's pajamas or a robe but look at him all sprawled out in the bed. I don't even have anything to say. The hilarity speaks for itself.

YAY! Nate/Serena time. So Serena comes in all:
Serena: Hai bb! Want to help me save my boyfriend from TEXAS JUSTICE?
Nate: Oh, your boyfriend who tried to sell me that one time to buy coke pay off his gambling debts?
Serena: YUP! That's him! He's changed!
Nate: Well then! That changes everything! LET US RESCUE HIM.
Serena: Awesome! Your sudden reversal on this makes perfect sense and is in no way shady!

I like how Nate pours himself some coffee and then makes the most awesome grossed out face as he drinks it like "How do the common people drink this." Oh Natey.

Nate: Texas is going to make Carter do manual labor!
Serena: MY GOD. Have they NO SOULS? Nate, what if manual labor makes Carter ugly? Also if he leaves on a fishing boat I'm afraid I will forget him by next week!
Nate: Oh you totally will.
Serena: I KNOW! I can barely even remember dating Dan anymore! What will we do?
Nate: We will win his freedom! In a game of HIGH STAKES POKER! That is what we will do!
Serena:......erm.....
Nate: Don't worry! Bree told me all her cousin's tells! That is a totally normal thing for couples to discuss! Despite the fact that we were only dating like two weeks that's how boring our relationship was already!
Serena: Well...when you put it that way...BRILLIANT PLAN. Let's do this shit.

First off, I'd like to mention that the damn Welcome Back Kotter mugs have been getting more screentime than Jenny.

Meanwhile on Gossip Girl: Forbidden Love edition, Vanessa and Rufus are sad at each other about how Rufus is married now. It's not like Vanessa cries into her pillow every night, sadly musing about how the only Humphrey she hasn't gotten with is off the market now. Then they have some really uncomfortable sexual tension and it's hilarious. They have to be doing this on purpose. I'm totally calling that VUFUS is going to happen. It's not just in me and goddesspharo's head.


Meanwhile Nate is dropping some more ~wisdom~ on Serena about this underground poker game they're going to. I've said it before but the idea of Nate and Serena trying to pull off a high-stakes poker scheme is probably the funniest thing this show has ever done. Nate and Serena can barely manage to cross the street without getting distracted by a shiny object. But what I also love is that they both think that they can *totally pull this off*. Also let me take the moment to say that I love Serena's dress like crazy in this episode, but the fact that she's just wearing this thing around to go visit political offices and shit is amazing.

Meanwhile Blair is also in an awesome dress. While I appreciate that Blair has minions again and all is right with the world, I miss the bitches from high school. Especially Nelly Yuuki and Hazel.

I don't understand why Vanessa hasn't put together the fact that every time she messes with Blair she ends up nearly killed. You'd think that by this point she would have realized that she can't play at Blair's level. It's like poking a bear and then being mad when the thing mauls you.


Not gonna lie, this scene made my life. Nate and Serena walking in badass slow-mo! In some sort of weird abandoned building! Also: PRETTY. The look that Serena shoots Nate is awesome. How they manage to be so badass yet so completely incompetent is beyond me.


Serena is starting to realize that this might not be the best idea. Perhaps it was just the thought of having to breathe in the air of that douchebag with the popped collar? IDK. But Nate is all like "Relax bb! It's fine that you've never played poker before! We've got this. When has anything not worked out for you before?" And Serena thinks about this...

...And immediately starts trash talking like she's a World Poker Champion or some shit. It's awesome. Serena, never stop being so flossy. Also! Pretty cap of Nate passing Serena! They are so dumb and yet so pretty.

So after how badly Serena sucks at poker, despite her trash talking, Nate decides to up the ante! Serena is pretty consistent in her WTF face throughout this whole exchange.

Obviously the best way of upping the stakes is to potentially ruin your cousin's political career to defend some douchebag that *also* almost killed you in a game of poker. Nate is a genius. Although LOL forever at the photoshopped picture of his cousin holding the bong. You KNOW having him holding a bong was Nate's only contribution to this plan Grandfather helped him think up. I appreciate that the Nate/Pot OTP is still going strong.

MINION: Vanessa's giving the toast again! And she's got this big pink claw thing.
BLAIR: Well I don't know about that.
(Bwahaha!)


I really love poker playing Serena. She's so hardcore. Also the Serena/Nate poker team-up is still so awesome my brain feels like it's melting from the awesome. When Popped!Collar!Douche puts in his bet Serena turns to Nate and Nate NODS WISELY AT HER. Like they actually have a plan! They in no way have a plan. You'd think from this that they were counting cards or something but frankly I doubt that either of them can actually count. Oh guys! YOU ARE PRECIOUS.

So, surprising no one, they lose. They are the lamest card sharks ever.

BUT THIS WALK OUT WAS PRETTY BADASS! Seriously, I just love this whole scene. The wide shot and the cuts and the slow-mo walk! So dramatic! While they may never pull off the perfect heist with an Ocean's Eleven team, you have to give them huge style points. Serena and Nate know the vaule of a good walk-off. I'm assuming now they're going to take an angry nap or something.

(BTW how awesome would it be to have an episode of Nate and Serena trying to pull off a heist? They could do some Mission Impossible moves in black catsuits and keep triggering the alarms without realizing it while in the background Blair and Chuck and Dorota do all the work and Nate and Serena just sort of traipse around, posing in badass ways? You're welcome for that plot idea Gossip Girl.)

Rufus is big pimping! Spending Lily's cheese! He's going big pimping in the U.E.S! (Haha! Seriously! Look at his face in that cap!)

Rufus and Lily's reaction to Vanessa's horrible mother is priceless. Lily does that awesome WASP thing were she smiles and tells you nice things while silently judging you with her eyes. And Rufus is just like "OMGLOLAWKWARD!" (BTW Hi Gina Torres! Please get the rest of the cast of Firefly on the show! Alan Tudyk could play your tool-sounding husband Arlo! He could have a hipster mustache and you two could grow organic tomatoes or something. I would not complain about Vanessa screentime if it came with a side of Zoe and Wash!)

I'm sorry. That cap with Chuck drinking daintily out of a straw= LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!! It's my favorite cap of the episode! And Blair really thought she would have a problem selling kissing a guy?


So this whole scene is AMAZING.

Blair: Let's play our game!
Chuck: I'm down.
Blair: Ok. There's sort of a catch though. It's a dude.
Chuck: SURE! I WILL TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!
Blair: Are you sure you're ok with this....Chuck?
*You can hear a whooshing sound like when Clark used to superspeed away on Smallville.*


What I love about this scene is that Chuck is JUST AS CREEPY hitting on a dude as he is hitting on chicks. He literally slides over like a gay sexy serial killer. Watch your drink NYU guy! And don't accept any grilled cheese sandwiches. They may be delicious but I can assure you the secret ingredient is ruffies.

So Serena is recapping how they not only didn't save Carter, thus dooming him to a life as some sort of Texas pirate, but now they actually ruined someone else's life too. Obviously this whole thing turns out to be a plot hatched by Granderbilt but isn't this whole situation such a Serena thing? Like she's just trying to help and she somehow manages to ruin an entire political career in a high stakes poker game BY ACCIDENT.


BETRAYAL! On a shallow note Serena and Nate look really excellent this whole episode. It's actually a bit refreshing to see Nate get in on the double crossing action. Generally speaking, Nate is far too dumb and stoned most of the time to think of evil plots more elaborate than glaring. And sure, he only had to fool Serena, who trusts everyone. And I guess he didn't even really think up the scheme. BUT STILL. A+ for effort Nate.

Pretty cap is pretty! I love the Van der Bass Humphrey pad. Also Rufus and Lily continue to be endearing by pretending that Vanessa's mother isn't an asshole.


Ok, I think it goes without saying that this entire scene is made of PURE WIN. AHAHA! Asking where he gets his hair did! You can tell that Chuck is totally enjoying everything EXCEPT the fact that someone is messing up his hair. Chuck Bass has cut a bitch for less.


Chuck: Tut-tut. I'm not that kind of girl.

AHAHAHAHA! OH MY GOD GUYS. I don't even have WORDS! Chuck isn't that kind of girl! Chuck is high maintenance and also kind of a drama queen. He just wants you to respect him in the morning.

BLAIR'S FACE! Ahahaha!

NOW JOSH'S FACE! Seriously best busted face EVER.

I love that Chuck looks vaguely violated.

Blair: Out you cable-knit queen!

Although I must say, I doubt he minded much because Josh is hot like fire. I often find the casting of ~hot guys~ on this show suspect. (Hello creepy guyliner Scott! Whud up Aaron Bobby?) But this is an instance where I'm totally behind it. He has a really cute smile too! More Josh plz.

I love that Blair used texting with Dorota as an excuse. I imagine she really is texting Dorota often, possibly discussing and lulzing over some Brokedown Palace thing they did to Georgina.


Chuck: Did you really think that was the first time I kissed a guy?

No, Chuck. No one thought that. But seriously, Blair's face after he says that is PRICELESS. It's like she's not really sure what to do with this information but then she just shrugs and continues on with her evil plan. Even to Blair, Chuck's intense gayness isn't really news. I mean he spent most of the first season telling Nate he loved him and going on gay cruises with him and texting Blair pictures of them on the beach. Hugging. Shirtless. Like straight dudes do. This is news to no one Chuck. Can we start the betting pool on what season Chuck finally gets his gay monkey?

Holy fugging FUG. CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHATEVER THE EFF THAT IS VANESSA IS WEARING? Like...I'm seriously and legitimately not sure what it is she has on. Is it like a coffee filter tucked into a giant sack? And why is it so many colors. And my GOD HER NECKLACE. Her necklace looks like it was made out of a million of Lily's gigantic earrings. And with Vanessa's penchant for breaking into the Humphrey residence and stealing things it probably was. MY GOD MY EYES. This is how her outfit makes me ~feel~.

As much as I love watching Blair try to kill Vanessa, I really think they need to get a better antagonist for Blair. Or at least one that is on more even footing. While Vanessa can occasionally take Blair down a notch she's still...Vanessa. Remember in the first season when Blair and Jenny were trying to kill each other? That was much more fun to watch because Jenny was actually a decent match for Blair and because Jenny-becoming-Blair has always been a storyline on the show so it made sense. I really wish we had Georgina back. :( You don't get more scary than Georgina.

Here's my thing with Olivia: I don't hate her but I don't actually feel like she's a real person/character. I cannot think of a single personal characteristic that Olivia has besides "is in fake!Twilight" and "wants to be a ~real gurl~". But those are just plotlines foisted onto the character and it doesn't really say much about WHO she is. So it's hard to really care about the whole Dan/Olivia thing. I don't mind watching it but I wouldn't care if she just got all "Texas forever!" and disappeared like Bree did.


Although I did enjoy her going crazy in this episode and calling Malibu "The BU", which I hope catches on because it's hilarious. Also hilarious were all of Lily's WASP 'Oh My' facial expressions throughout the whole encounter.

So Serena catches Nate and tells him how not-cool it was for him to play her. I think the more pressing concern for her should be that Nate Archibald was able to play her. It's like she's learned nothing from the Blair Waldorf bootcamp of crazy plotting.

Nate looks sad but then tells her it was a plot he cooked up with Grandfather, which basically means that Granderbilt came up with the whole thing and Nate photoshopped in a picture of his own bong. Also I love the fact that Nate always refers to him as Grandfather in this really weird, Dwight Shrute way where he puts too much emphasis on parts of the word so that when I type it out I always feel the need to capitalize.

So Serena gets mad and storms off but not before calling up the Buckley's to reveal the completely stupid Grandfather/Nate mashup plot. Oh man, Serena is totally in a fight wit him now. I'd mind more, except that double-crossing to the UES just means you *care*.

These caps are priceless. STEALTH: You're doing it wrong.

I love the shot here of Blair looking into the mirror. So pretty! I had a bunch of caps like these and had to stop myself from using them all. So pretty! Also Blair's dress is adorable and looks vaguely like a cocktail length version of her prom dress.

I love how Vanessa is barely even TRYING to cover up the super obvious way she is pushing her ugly pleather snakeskin clutch at Blair. Also! How does a ugly, huge PURPLE clutch relate to ANYTHING she has on right now? It's like just when you think her outfit can't get uglier, a new ugly layer presents itself to you.


Blair's whole speech felt super chunky to me for some reason. But Chuck and Blair's sad little faces here kill me. Obviously the irony is that Blair in no way had to trick Chuck into kissing a dude for her. He would have straight up boned that guy if Blair has just *asked him*. =/

Aha! Vanessa's FACE. The thing I liked about this episode is that it felt like it had a theme that tied all the disparate threads of the story together. Obviously, that theme was 'everyone getting hardcore pwned'. You might think you won but odds are you're about to get bitch-slapped down. Hard.

Which is exactly what happens to Vanessa. TWO THINGS HERE. First, Vanessa is STILL holding the microphone. So did they cut the feed for it or did Vanessa just tell everyone at the dinner that she hates her parents? No wonder Hippy!Zoe is pissed. Again, stealth: you're doing it wrong. Secondly, it's now abundantly obvious where Vanessa got her love for oversize, ugly clutch bags from. Look at that thing. You could get half Serena's wardrobe in there. And sure, Serena's wardrobe doesn't contain much material...but still. At the very least it matches her dress though. So Vanessa's fail still reigns supreme.



I really liked this scene. We almost never get to see Lily and Blair interact so it's always fun when we do. It was also nice to see Lily stick up for Chuck. (And point out that all she had to do was ASK and Chuck would have been more than happy to whore himself out. He's learned a lot about whoring from Nate.) Can we get more Lily/Chuck scenes please? There has been WAY too little of the Van der Basses. I don't think there's even been any Chuck/Eric scenes so far and that's just wrong.

Pretty cap of Serena lighting candles!

Carter comes in and gets all weird at Serena about how she saved him but he didn't want to be saved. He totally wanted to work off his debt on some sort of boat. It's not like that Andy Samberg/T-Pain video Carter! You're not gonna get to fuck a mermaid!


Poor Serena. This makes me sad too because I love Carter and Carter/Serena. I just want them to steal boats and polo horses and make out and abandon each other in foreign countries! Why can't I ever have nice things, Gossip Girl? I understand there was nothing the show could do about losing Georgina to MT's shitty Grey's-with-nurses show but what exactly does Sebastian Stan have going on? BRING BACK CARTER.

I honestly just think that Gina Torres is just mad because you would expect better espionage work from the daughter of Anna Espinosa.

I love this shot. Mostly because it reminds me of that episode of Buffy when both Buffy and Cordelia were convinced they would be prom queen. So they fight this evil beast and show up all tattered and beat up to prom and just watch in disgust as some other random girl gets the crown.


Meanwhile in casa de HumpBassWoodsen: It's the elusive creature known as Jenny Humphrey! Seriously, I sort of want to be Taylor Momsen right now. She's basically just getting paid for putting on a little *less* crackwhore makeup than usual and standing around pretending to eat. It's a pretty sweet gig. Once again, the Welcome Back Kotter mugs have a more significant storyline in this episode than Jenny.

Also I totally forgot to mention it but there was some cute Dan/Olivia stuff that I either forgot to cap or just got too burned out to colorize. But the compliments watch was awesome! I would not be surprised if such a thing really existed in Japan. ALSO! When Olivia is on the phone with Vanessa and Dan is running around in the background burning everything in the kitchen! Classic. Oh Dan!


Oh Blair! Oh Chuck! Don't fight bbs! Although I have to say I call bullshit on Chuck not being able to say he loved Blair because he didn't trust her.


Apparently I don't really have anything to say about this scene. The only words in my head at the moment are PRETTY and ANGST. PRETTY ANGST! I love the side-profile cap of Chuck.

Love that long-shot. I'd love to see more of Chuck's apartment. From what we've seen it looks WAY too normal. Why doesn't it have weird artwork all over the place? Why isn't there like a life-sized portrait of Chuck or something? Why isn't everything purple or argyle or paisley? If I can't trust the set decorators on this show who can I trust?


Serena + Lily= <3! I love those last two caps. SO PRETTY. I love the colors on this show.

This is totally Carter's 'I've made a huge mistake' face. Although now I want Carter to return as the Dread Pirate Baizen with an eye-patch and a parrot who helps him gamble. How awesome would that be? Why doesn't this show ever listen to my good ideas?


I actually love Vanessa's outfit, her shirt is really cute. Actually I think Vanessa looks great here period. With the exception of those horrible ratty extensions she's been sporting, but that pretty much goes without saying.

I love the little smiles they shoot each other here like "Man, we really fucked up".

PRETTY! Although I call shenanigans on Vanessa wearing Barbie pink high heels, even if it does match her outfit. I'm surprised she's not wearing moccasins made on a commune or something. But seriously, this shot is so pretty. And I love how it fades into the pull away of the city. PRETTY.

Note: Please don't steal my caps or hotlink them. My bandwidth cannot take hotlinking and exceeded bandwidth makes me sad. Also I capped/colorized this myself and it took forever. Thanks bbs.