mojotastic

So I actually missed watching the premiere of Gossip Girl live because I was crashing a show at Fashion Week, which I felt was probably the only acceptable reason to miss my favorite flossy darlings.

I was planning on just posting up a short entry with some thoughts and maybe one graphic of Blair and Serena prancing through Paris. But then, as it turned out, the whole episode was so pretty I found it sort of impossible not to picspam. My lack of self control, let me show you it.





"Paris is burning and Blair and Serena lit the match."
I would totally watch a whole season of just Blair and Serena shopping in Paris and pushing each other into bodies of water of various sizes and feeding each other croissants. That would be my perfect season of Gossip Girl, ngl. The whole Blair and Serena plot was like everything I've ever asked for and more.

Plus I love, love, LOVE their outfits here. SO CUTE. So colorful! And they both look fantastic and there are about three million things going on with both of their outfits and they're both wearing HATS. I want to marry this opening scene and have it's pretty, Parisian babies. That's normal right?

What I Did On My Summer Vacation: Blair

BLAIR! OMG how much do I love the montage of B's summer activities. I have to say I'm with Blair on this one. I would much rather read and eat delicious pastries and shop until I'm broke than get some kind of snobby French STD. Blair's reading outfit is my favorite. My favorite part of the Paris scenes were all the COLORS. This show is usually really great with using color in wardrobe and I don't remember them doing it as much last year and it made me sad.

What I Did On My Summer Vacation: Serena

Loved Serena getting her skank on in Paris. Although, please, like Serena's drawing would look like something Leo drew in Titanic. You could totally see the edge of that drawing and it looked like there was some artistic talent involved. You know Serena's art skill probably topped out at stick figures and bubble letters. The painting probably really would have looked something like this:

artistic approximation

I think I probably already mentioned how much I love both girl's outfits. Pretty caps are pretty! Also those chairs are fantastic. Everything in the Paris portions of the show was so PRETTY. The Brown jokes continue to be fantastic too. But Serena would never major in 'Raw Foods'. Maybe if they had 'Raw Alcohol'.

I love that Serena is going to Columbia with Blair. Poor Blair, there's just no way to escape hurricane Serena. By the end of first semester I'm putting bets that she accidentally murders someone and then Blair has to get rid of the body.

Pretty caps are pretty! <3 I love that only Blair can say that she's been hoodwinked by some form of royalty, twice. At least this Prince didn't reveal some sort of alternate accent when he outed himself. (Nothing will ever be as awesome as the "My name is Marcus and I'm a LORD" thing. Ever. It's un-topable)

I also love how they both talk about this super popular and famous Monet painting as if they are the only two people who ever liked it, ever. It's like saying you like Van Gogh's Starry Night. Oh, really? How shocking! He's all "I thought that because you loved the same painting I loved, you might love me" which is such wonky logic I don't even... I know he's a Prince and everything and that hits all of Blair's royalty/Audrey Hepburn/Lady of Society buttons but I'd take a pass on this one Blair.

Ok. Ok. CAN WE TALK ABOUT WHAT SERENA IS WEARING PLEASE? So both girls look incredibly lovely. Then the camera pulls back and I was like "WHAT?!" Are those diaper shorts? Because those shorts certainty look like diapers. I don't have an more caps of the offending outfit in question but...please tell me it's not a romper. I feel like that's the only way it could be worse. And from what I can tell jumpsuit (jumpdiaper?)/romper seems like a strong possibility. I'm as horrified by Serena's outfit as Blair was to sit in the front seat. That prince's driver must have been like "SCORE! I get to ride in the back AND my prince buddy hired me a hooker! Best day ever!"

They say it's a broken heart but I hurt in my whole body
This whole scenes was lovely. I felt terrible for Blair, you could really feel her heartbreak. And Serena tell her that things would get better and that they wouldn't loose each other, no matter what. I mean look at some of their finest fights: outing Serena for a drug problem in front of every major college recruiter, then announcing that she'd killed a guy at Yale, beating each other with their own clutch purses and smashing Blair's face into a cake. And those are just the best ones. They came through all that alright, I think they'll survive Columbia. I think the bigger danger is Columbia not surviving THEM.

“I know Jean Michael we all love Serena, but she’s just clumsy like that. It must be all those long limbs.”
Had to give a shout out to one of my favorite lines. LOL! AMAZING. The fountain push was so great, as was the shot of Serena's feet up in the air as Blair walked away. Oh girls, please never change. I'm glad Serena is starting up college though. As hilarious as it was last year to watch her act as Tyra-whisperer and bang a married senator, it's time to get her back on some sort of path. I wonder what her major will be? Can you major in good hair?

Speaking of that, what is ANYONE'S major? Besides Vanessa and Dan, I'm pretty sure we have no idea what anyone else is actually studying. What's Blair's major? I mean, obviously Nate is studying dance due to his natural graces:


Oh man, when Chuck gets back and decides to stop using a stupid fake identity and goes back to being Chuck Bass he is going to be SO PISSED. Nate let the skanks mess with his clothing. But more importantly his bow ties and scarves. Nate is going to be in the doghouse for a long time over this one. PS: Have we seen Chuck wear that purple suit before because it's hilarious and it's possible I'm just blanking. I know the gangster hat is from the Prohibition-party last season.

My favorite part of the episode might have been the Katie Cassidy/Juliet stalker reveal. You just know it was only a matter of time before some psycho tried to wear one of the kids skin as a suit. And isn't Nate the easiest mark? He'd totally get in the back of your van if you said you had some pot and puppies.

Everything about this Chuck/Henry and Eva plot-line is insanely hilarious. So here's a multiple choice: you see a sexy shot stranger in an alleyway and you a.) take him to a hospital, b.) call a doctor of some kind or c.) take him back to your apartment and throw some rubbing alcohol on that. ALL BETTER.

I also love that it looks like they got off an old steamer train into the Moulin Rouge or something. Did Chuck get shot and go back in time? Between the lack of a reasonable hospital visit and his whole Newsies makeover, I'm saying he's now time traveling. I assume that the next episode is going to consist of Chuckry and Christian Bale singing songs about the depression as they go on their paper routes. But then Chuckry will do something like get into Newsies!Bale's eye-line and they'll be done professionally.

Other hilarious things about the episode (aka the things that happened that weren't in Paris):

- Lily's face was so hilarious when Georgina hands her the baby. She looked terrified like "What do I do with this thing? Is there an off button?" Obviously some nanny or one of the Klauses took care of Eric/Serena. Or perhaps they were raised by wolves and the wolves were just coming back to take Serena home when the car crashed last season.

- While we're at it I actually LOLed for real when Georgina complimented Lily's parenting skills. That's the way to get into Rufus' pants, not Lily's. Despite abandoning their children for months at a time, I'm pretty sure only Rufus is still convinced he's an ~awesome~ dad. Even Lily was looking at her suspiciously.

Speaking of their terrible parenting skills, let's count up the ways shall we? Rufus hasn't talked to Dan in nearly three months, allowing Dan to hide the fact that he now has a child. Little J had to be sent away due to crack whoredom. Serena is off in Paris, sexually servicing the continent and Lily is like "LOL don't get an STD from any of those Vespa boys!" Eric is on vacation with his bi-sexual boyfriend somewhere. Chuck has disappeared for MONTHS at a time and Lily only thinks to look for him when the accountant tells her to. They are parents of the year.

Rufus' attitude regarding Chuck was really terrible too. Listen, I understand Dan and Rufus being pissed at Chuck, I do. But Chuck is a part of Lily's family, whether he likes that or not. To say that he deserves whatever is coming to him just because he had sex with Jenny so overblown. Shut up Rufus and put on your trophy husband turtleneck and knit Lily a sweater or something.

- You just know that later this season we're going to find out that Georgina Sparks was really a Russian spy the whole time. It will explain all her evil schemes and ruffie abilities. Plus Milo is totally her anchor baby.

*~*Please don't hotlink or steal caps. No re-posting to tumblr. I have a tumblr and if I want to I'll post them. Thanks!