mojotastic: (Misc- STAINS!!!!)
mojotastic ([personal profile] mojotastic) wrote2009-03-11 01:03 pm

Picspam: The 15 Reasons To Accept that D-Wars is the best movie EVER.

Ok hold the phone, you're saying. First off what is D-Wars? Why haven't I ever heard of it? Isn't that the dude from Roswell? Why is he wearing bling? Is that a dino with a rocket launcher? How is this the best movie ever?

This picspam will answer all these questions and more. Get ready to take a magical journey into a movie so full of unintentional laughter that my sides hurt after watching.




The 15 Reasons To Accept That D-WARS is the Best Movie Ever!


First, a little background: [livejournal.com profile] pinkspots has been telling me for ages how D-Wars was the greatest movie of our or any time. But I was like "I don't believe that anything could be that bad!" So finally, we watched it. MY GOD. My life has never been the same.

Reason 1: The 70s called and they want your wardrobe back!




I know what you're thinking. "Oh but it's set in a Watchmen-like alternative universe where it's always the 70s and Nixon is still president!" No. No it's not. This is present day. AND YET THE MUSTARD JACKET CONTINUES TO EXIST. I really don't know what the worst crime against fashion is here. Is it the mustard blazer? That weird stripped shirt *paired* with the mustard blazer? Or is it, by chance, the fact that Jason Behr is sporting what can only be described as 70s porn hair? I have no idea. I can't choose. It's all just so terrible. He looks like an extra from Swingtown! It also kills me that he has that blazer is dark brown too. It's much less lol-worthy in the brown but still. The first one is so bad, why get multiples!?

Reason 2: See my BLING? I got it at Claire's! I will continue to wear it like a big girl all movie!



As we were watching the movie I just couldn't get over the fact that he would just wear his girly looking magical bling around all the time. But ok, fine, it makes him feel pretty. He started out wearing it underneath his shirt, where the ugliness couldn't burn my eyes. BUT THEN. Then he starts wearing it around like a regular necklace or, more appropriately, a Mr. T chain. THE WHOLE MOVIE HE WEARS IT. I couldn't stop laughing.
[livejournal.com profile] mojotastic: Wait....he's really just going to wear that necklace that he got at Claire's all movie?
[livejournal.com profile] pinkspots: Yes. Yes he is.
[livejournal.com profile] mojotastic: But how does anyone take him seriously wearing that necklace?! How are we susposed to take anything seriously when he's wearing something from the Jessica Simpson collection around his neck?
[livejournal.com profile] pinkspots: .......
[livejournal.com profile] mojotastic: Right. Forgot what I was watching.

Of course, later the necklace becomes ~magical~ and dazzles the shit out of everyone like it's made of Edward Cullen. Max has the necklace of a KILLA!

Reason 3: Papa Petrelli from Heroes continues to be a bad actor!


For anyone who's ever seen Heroes, it's not exactly a ~shock~ that this dude is a horrible actor. His hilariously bad monotone is much the same here as it was on Heroes. Only now he's playing a guy that owns a magical pawn shop where Jason Behr's father is trying to pawn something. Probably so he can afford to buy Jason Behr some era-appropriate clothing?

But THEN! Papa Petrelli does this weird crazy bug eyed thing and is like "LOL OH NOES I'M DYING" and Jason Behr's father is like "I will get you medical attention if you give me a better price!" And Papa Petrelli is like "LOL OK GET ME SOME HERBS DON'T CALL THE DOCTOR! I SWEAR I'M NOT FAKING JUST TO BE ALONE, CREEPILY WITH YOUR YOUNG SON!" And so Jason Behr's father leaves his son with this random creepy pawn shop dude. I'm not joking. He's like "Wow! You'll give me that much? Cool! You can have my son, I didn't like him that much anyway!" Apparently he went to the Rufus Humphrey school of parenting.

So after he gets rid of the kid's dad he proceeds to tell him this long, involved story. I will get to that in a second. What's important here is that when he starts telling the story, they're just sitting on that bench talking. When he finishes telling the story HE HAS A BOWL OF SOUP. So somewhere, in the midst of telling that story he got up, found a kitchen in that dank warehouse, made himself some soup (just for himself! None for the little boy!) and then sat back down preparing for the flashback to end. OMG THE LULZ! I love how he just sips the soup too and the little boy is looking at him like 'You're such an asshole'.

Reason 4: Flashbacks within flashbacks with flashforwards within the flashbacks!


So after Jason Behr (his character has a name. I don't remember it so he will be either Jason Behr or MAXXX for this picspam) sees a ~mysterious~ dragon scale he has a flashback to his childhood. THIS IS WHEN THE MANY FLASHBACKS BEGIN. I have put a flashback count because it is important to remember how many flashbacks we are at in any current moment.

So he opens some box that contains the essence of Edward Cullen and it dazzles the shit out of him. So then creepy pawn shop dude begins to tell him a story about Korea and suddenly WE ARE IN ANOTHER FLASHBACK. Within the flashback we're already in. It's a flashback within a flashback bbs!

Except we're not done! Because the flashback within a flashback starts when Jason Behr's former asian self was a little bb and then FLASHFORWARDS to when he was older and in ~lurve~. So now for all those playing at home we have a flashforward within a flashback within a flashback.

Origins of the Claire's broach! It is important and meaningful and has magical powers. Or it was on sale for %50 off. I don't really remember. ALSO pay special attention to the canon. This is what the palace guards have. Era-appropriate weapons. The dinos however...

HAVE BAZOOKAS! (Which I realize I spelled wrong on the picture but I'm too lazy to redo or try and fix it. So they also have bazooks! Which is maybe the medieval variety of bazookas? WHO KNOWS?)

So Ye!Olde!Asian!Jason Behr decides to save the girl instead of letting her turn into a dragon and there's this pretty shot before they jump off a cliff together Thelma and Louise style. ALSO! Broach gets more airtime than most of the rest of the cast.

Reason 5: LOLOL INSERT KOREAN THINGS HERE!


So this movie was either adapted from a Korean movie or based off a Korean legend. But besides the lulz inherent in hearing the whitest white people try to pronounce Korean names there is also the lulz of random Korean things popping up in the movie. Our heroine just happens to have a random book full of asian symbol in her kitchen utensil drawer! (I guess this helps with cooking? 'What the next ingredient? Butterfly, happy, life! Got it!")Then she goes crazy and puts the pages of the book all over the wall.

Except as far as I can tell there isn't any actual Korean on the pages? LOL! I honestly don't know much about Korean besides what I've learned from Full House and other dramas. But I know a bit about Japanese and that looks like some kanji to me. If their former selves were Korean why did they write with Chinese characters? Oh movie.

Reason 6: Cars + Ninja= OTP?



So Ninja is just walking along, minding his own business and BAM! Car! It's amazingly funny.

As is the reaction from Jason Behr and his friend Daryl (He also has a real name in the movie but I have no idea what. So I'm going with his name from The Office.) LOOK at Daryl's face in that second cap. AMAZING!

So then Ninja gets pissed and turns into SUPER NINJA! ....which just means he gets a badass helmet. So THEN as they are fighting?

NINJA GETS HIT AGAIN BY ANOTHER CAR! LOLOLLOLOLOL! This is really just not Ninja's day.

Reason 7: Random Gun is Random!


So after running over Ninja, Daryl just PULLS A PIECE out of his glove compartment. There is so much lulz. Why would a reporter/someone who works in a newsroom need to carry a gun in their glove compartment? I feel like we're missing a whole subplot where Daryl is secretly a gun enthusiast and subscribes to Guns and Ammo.
(ETA: It has just been brought to my attention that I called the glove compartment the GLOVER compartment. This is clearly a Freudian slip on my part caused by too much love for John Glover and his magnificent hair.)

So after the gun doesn't work on Ninja, Daryl then tries to karate chop him! It's hilarious.

Later, Daryl gives the gun to Jason Behr and says "You need this more than I do". O_O Why did you need it in the first place?! I want this whole movie to be about Daryl and his secret life fighting crime like Rorschach!

Reason 8: The truly ~deep~ love story! Which happens entirely in one scene!



Seriously. The whole ~romance~ happens in ONE SCENE. Jason Behr thinks thinky thoughts and Dragon Girl is all "This sucks! What is happening! The world is madness! Madness I say!" And Jason Behr is like "You're right bb!" And then they stare at each other. Then they make out.

BUT! Hilarity alert!: As they make out Jason Behr goes "If she's really the (insert Korean name here) I'll probably have to kill her. LOLz! Sucks for her!" I'm not even exaggerating. No wonder when [livejournal.com profile] pinkspots and I went to rent this movie we found it had been rented out on Valentine's Day. It's so ~romantic~.

Reason 9: The main couple really cares about their friends. They almost feel bad as they continually leave them to die!


So this girl folding clothes is Dragon Girl's BFF. She tries to cheer Dragon Girl's emo ass up. She deals with Dragon Girl's crazy. She is even getting an overnight bag ready for Dragon Girl because she's at the hospital. And sure, ok, she's about to have sex on Dragon Girl's bed. But whatever. At least she cares. Which of course means that she gets eaten by a giant lizard/snake and Dragon Girl NEVER EVER mentions her again or wonders what happened to her. Ah. Friendship.

Speaking of BFF 4 L, we meet another of Jason Behr's friends who is conveintly some sort of brain scientist and hypnotherapist. I can only assume that they befriended each other over their love of tacky necklaces. Like I imagine scientist friend saw Jason Behr and his Claire's necklace and was like "Girl! That necklace is fierce!" And thus a beautiful frienship was formed.

So Dragon Girl has some flashbacks (yay flashbacks!) and speaks in tongues and shit. As this is happening the lizard/snake thing is crawling it's way up onto poor, unsuspecting Scientist Dude's house.

As the house begins to crumble the main couple jump over the couch right in front of Scientist Dude and run away. Never do they say "Hey! A Giant SnakeLizard is about to demolish your house!" Nope. They just abandon poor Scientist Dude.

Who is then, I can only assume, smashed in his house. Thanks assholes. In the meantime, Daryl has gone back to work although he has a concussion from when the main couple left him unconscious on the side of the road with Ninja.

Reason 10: NINJA!!



Ninja is hands down the best thing about this movie. And before you say "Hey, is that guy really a ninja?" Whatever he's dressed all in black and it's super fun to shout NINJA! at the screen at appropriate moments. He will forever be Ninja to me. So, Ninja is awesome and commands armies and blows ship up just because he feels like it and dresses in a police uniform and chokes people. But the number one reason Ninja is awesome is this scene:


First off? Look at Ninja's face as he walks down the street! I'm surprised he's not whistling and skipping. Then he phases right through the fence in front of Old Lady and she's like "The fuck?" So she proceeds to walk RIGHT into the fence and then looks puzzled. It's hilarious and it's even better because there is absolutely no reason for this scene to exist. Like...none at all. But it does and it is glorious and so I attempted to make a gif of it but I'm not skilled in the art of gifs but...you get the idea. It's SO AWESOME.


Reason 11: Anything can be a language as long as it has subtitles! Even gibberish!


So Ninja, when he's in full Ninja gear with helmet, talks in a garbled gibberish that makes Batman's voice sound clear and understandable. I have no idea what he's saying. At first I thought he was speaking deep, growly Korean but I really don't think he is. In fact, I don't think he's speaking any language at all. I think he's just making noises and the movie just subtitles it as language. Which is SO FUNNY. At one point at the end of the movie he goes "AUGGGHHHHHH!!" and the subtitles have a WHOLE SENTENCE. For one sound. LOL!

Reason 12: Dinos with rocket launchers!


Why do dinos have rocket launchers? I have no idea. Maybe dinos always had rocket launchers and bazookas and we just never knew it? I mean, D-WARS wouldn't lie to us would it?

Reason 13: The heroine turns into a straight up thug!



So randomly, Dragon Girl decides that the way to beat a giant LizardSnake that the military can't handle that just killed their helicopter is to shoot it in the face with that little gun. But what's even more hilarious is the way that she's holding the gun and screaming at it all "How do you like me now, sucka?!"

Reason 14: The heroine then turns into a DRAGON!


In what is probably one of the most unintentionally lulzy parts in this movie, the heroine deccides it's time to become a dragon to save Jason Behr (and possibly humanity? Who knows?)

So she does this weird Sailor Moon pose and then shoots her soul over to the good SnakeLizard...

...who then EATS IT! BWAHAHA! Yum! So then with the power of Dragon Girl the SnakeLizard becomes a full out Dragon marking this as the first effing dragon we've really seen in all of DRAGON WARS.

So after Dragon wins the epic battle he SPITS HER SOUL OUT like a hairball! LOL! This allows Dragon Girl to like briefly stroke Jason Behr's face....and then DIE AGAIN. WTF what was even the point of that?

Except then she turns into glowly mist and reforms into a glowly mist CGI Dragon Girl! Who is like "I will love you forever! Those two seconds we spent together on the beach were awesome! Sucks we never got to do it! BAI!"

AND THEN THE DRAGON EATS HER UP AGAIN! LOLOL! Except as it flies away it sheds one emo tear that I could not get a good cap of but believe me it's pretty funny.

Reason 15: Jason Behr is left in Hell! And is totes ok with it!



So his true love Dragon Girl (just Dragon now I guess) flies away dramatically. LEAVING HIM ALL ALONE IN HELL WITH NO WAY OUT. And instead of being like "Oh noes! What will I do!?" Jason Behr is like "Awesome. I think I'll build me a house right by that empty crater across from that vast wasteland of nothingness!" WTF? Good luck finding food and water! Good luck finding another Claire's so you can replace your broach! BE A LITTLE CONCERNED MAN!


- Please don't steal or hotlink my caps. I have no idea why you would as I'm not aware of a huge D-WARS fandom. But still. If you hotlink photobucket will be mean to me and I will be sad.

- Enjoy the picspam!

[identity profile] goddesspharo.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:30 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh God, Jason Behr! The Farrah hair! The pornmaker camera! I WENT A LITTLE BLIND THERE.

Is Dragon Girl's BFF's BF that Humphreyesque kid who they brought in two episodes of Dawson's Creek simply for the sake of spinning it off into Young Americans? I forget the guy's name now (Ridley? Riley? RuPaul?), but I think he was the main guy who was on scholarship.

Scientist Dude is TOTALLY Donnie Darko's daddy!

It seems to me like this movie can be summed up with a simple: DID YOUR CRACK ADDICTION GET SO SEVERE, JASON BEHR, THAT YOU HAD TO MAKE THIS MOVIE TO FOOT THE BILL?

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:51 pm (UTC)(link)
I KNOW! The hair is definitly the worst part. Although the mustard blazer is not helping the Farrah-ness.

Is Dragon Girl's BFF's BF that Humphreyesque kid who they brought in two episodes of Dawson's Creek simply for the sake of spinning it off into Young Americans?
I have no idea, I never really watched Dawson's Creek. But if so that's a really sad commentary on where that dude's career went after the show.

It seems to me like this movie can be summed up with a simple: DID YOUR CRACK ADDICTION GET SO SEVERE, JASON BEHR, THAT YOU HAD TO MAKE THIS MOVIE TO FOOT THE BILL?
That is honestly the best way to sum this movie up. Jason Behr must have needed some crack pretty bad and been all out of ponies to sell. THUS D-WARS!

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[identity profile] thedreamygirl.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:38 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my God! I had never even heard of this before but this is clearly one of the craziest things ever made, WHERE HAS IT BEEN ALL MY LIFE??? I have to find it NOW!

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:42 pm (UTC)(link)
WHERE HAS IT BEEN ALL MY LIFE???
That was literally my exact reaction after watching it. IT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOR THE BETTER!

Seriously though. Apparently it was even in theatres? I do not remember this though. In fact I would have never even heard of it if it wasn't for my friend having seen it and knowing that I would appreciate Jason Behr's 70s porn hair.

[identity profile] scarletumbrella.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:50 pm (UTC)(link)
*wipes tears from eyes* Man am I glad I clicked the link out of curiosity. This has made my entire otherwise boring day worthwhile. I haven't laughed that hard at work in some time. Brava! XD

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! D-Wars is truly made entirely out of epic lulz. Bad fashion and epic lulz.

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[identity profile] bluediamond421.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:52 pm (UTC)(link)
what [livejournal.com profile] thedreamygirl said. except I do not want to watch it. I just want to read your recap again. Later when I have stopped laughing so hard.

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:45 pm (UTC)(link)
:p Thanks! This movie is just so ~epic~ and ~meaningful~. Are you sure you don't want to watch? It will change your life bb! You will never look at dinos without rocket launchers the same way again!

[identity profile] sugah66.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
This is, without a doubt, the funniest picspam I have ever seen in my entire life. No lie. I laughed so hard while reading your commentary that I think I may have lost brain cells, and my neighbors probably think I'm high which actually wouldn't be that out of place in my building. I need to find this movie NOW RIGHT NOW.

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:48 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! Glad you liked the epic lulz that is D-WARS! (Seriously though. There is *one* dragon in ALL of D-WARS? I DON'T UNDERSTAND!)

and my neighbors probably think I'm high which actually wouldn't be that out of place in my building.
Well at least you would be in good company, as I'm fairly sure everyone that made D-Wars were pretty high too.

I need to find this movie NOW RIGHT NOW.
RUN, don't walk to go rent D-Wars. Your life will never be the same. Thank me later. :P

[identity profile] smithereen.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 08:55 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my God. AMAZING. I think I have to see this. Movies where old men don't share their soup with little boys are MY FAVORITE!

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:50 pm (UTC)(link)
Movies where old men don't share their soup with little boys are MY FAVORITE!
OMG bwahahahaha! You just made me laugh so hard I woke up my dog! LOL! They are my favorite too! That little boy is pretty effing pissed about not getting any soup.

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Jason Behr rocks 70s porn star hair, remains sexy while doing so.

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[identity profile] malicat.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:09 pm (UTC)(link)
I remember that I watched D-Wars because I just saw Jason Behr in "Skinwalkers" and he was so hot there *lol*
Oh my,I totally forgot about EVERYTHING in this movie.I only remember that I was so extremely confused at the beginning (when I still tried to understant this stupid movie ^^) but then gave up and just laughed my ass off about everything *g*

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:54 pm (UTC)(link)
I remember I planned to watch Skinwalkers for the Behr hawtness but then totally forgot. On a D-Wars scale of Awful to EPIC LULZ where would you put Skinwalkers?

I was so extremely confused at the beginning (when I still tried to understant this stupid movie ^^) but then gave up and just laughed my ass off about everything *g*
I'm pretty sure that's the only way to properly enjoy this movie. I was watching it with my friend and I was like "Wait, how many flashbacks have there been? MY BRAIN!"

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[identity profile] anythingbutgrey.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:21 pm (UTC)(link)
hahahahaha i fucking love you

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:46 pm (UTC)(link)
I <3 you too bb!

[identity profile] glassbomb.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:34 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh my goodness I am so glad I clicked on the link to this post, I have been laughing hysterically for the past ten minutes. I love bad fantasy/scifi movies like it's my job, so I will be renting this sometime in the near future.

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:57 pm (UTC)(link)
I love bad fantasy/scifi movies like it's my job, so I will be renting this sometime in the near future.
Then my mission in life to get more than three people to see D-Wars is finally paying off! LOL! Bad fantasy/scifi movies are like my crack, which is what Jason Behr must have been smoking to think this movie was an awesome idea.

[identity profile] gingasaur.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:47 pm (UTC)(link)
lmfao this was so fucking funny that I think I might've died. Maybe I just shot my soul into a dragon, idek. A+++

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 09:58 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! Glad you enjoyed the epic lulz of D-Wars!

Maybe I just shot my soul into a dragon, idek. A+++
BWAHAHAHA! OMG out there somewhere there is a dragon who just ate you soul and then shed a single emo tear.

[identity profile] cilly.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
I... just... MORGAN! I'll come back later with a looong and DEEP comment (because DWARS deserves some deep thoughts), but right now I can only say: HAHAHAHA I LOVE YOU!

Please don't steal or hotlink my caps
WHATEVER! *stealz to make lots of icons, manips and a fanmix*

Also, I think the next movie you should rent is Dracula 3000. You can thank me later for that.

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:49 pm (UTC)(link)
I LOVE YOU TOO AND THINK THAT LIKE 50% OF THIS PICSPAM IS YOUR FAULT! (The other 50% of fault is [livejournal.com profile] pinkspots)

WHATEVER! *stealz to make lots of icons, manips and a fanmix*
OH NO YOU DIDN'T! It's on now bb! (haha you can steal whatever you want I just didn't want people hotlinking my caps like they did for my GG spam when my whole journal like collapsed in on itself for a week.)

Make a fanmix and earn my undying loyalty! I'm scared of Dracula 3000 it sounds more horrible than I know if I can deal with.

I'm looking forward to ~deep~ thoughts!

[identity profile] hellododger.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:25 pm (UTC)(link)
LMAO best picspam ever

Poor Jason and Daryl. lol

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:51 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks! LOL! I felt so bad for Jason Behr and Daryl and yet...so much lulz for the rest of us.

[identity profile] bella-svetlana.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:31 pm (UTC)(link)
Oh, Jason Behr... I wanted to rent all of his movies at some point... I'll put this one at the top of my list.

My favorite part is definitely the old lady walking into the fence. Confused much?? lmao. Thanks for this!

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:54 pm (UTC)(link)
Jason Behr is so sexy and yet is in such terrible movies. It makes me both happy and sad because LOL D-WARS! Seriously D-Wars should be at the very top of that list. It's so deep and profound.

My favorite part is definitely the old lady walking into the fence. Confused much??
That was my favorite part too! Me and my friend must have rewound that part like five times. LOL! That poor old lady was like "The fuck?"

[identity profile] maelyng.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:47 pm (UTC)(link)
Amazing and funny picspam.
Oh man, this movie. I brought this because I needed an extra movie for a 3 to 1 deal. It's the crackiest thing I have ever brought.

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 10:56 pm (UTC)(link)
Those 3 for 1 movie deals always end up getting me the weirdest/crackiest movies. But think, now you own D-Wars and can relive the mustard blazer and bazookas any time you want!

[identity profile] morbidmuse.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 11:01 pm (UTC)(link)
Wow. I definitely need to see this movie now.

RANDOM SOUP APPEARANCES! RUSHED "LOVE" SCENES! DARYL MAKING FUN FACES! GUNS NOT BEING EXPLAINED! MAX IN BLING! NO DRAGONS! NINJAAAAAA!

How have I not seen this masterpiece yet?

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 11:04 pm (UTC)(link)
Seriously you really need to see it! I didn't even believe how EPIC it was until I finally saw it! THE SOUP KILLED ME! I was watching with [livejournal.com profile] pinkspots and I was like "WAIT! Where did he get that soup? Did he make that soup during the flashback?" And indeed he did. That's how long the flashback was.

You need to see this to make your life more complete, true story!

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[identity profile] moirariordan.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 11:11 pm (UTC)(link)
OMG. Scientist Dude = Racist murderer guy on episode of Law and Order: CI that I just watched an hour ago. Maybe this is why he was blown up? Anti-Semitism just isn't cool, man.

I also find it infinitely hilarious that these are the only two quotes on IMDB:

"Young Ethan: What are you talking about?"

AND

"Sarah Daniels: I keep trying to understand, but none of this is making any sense."

NOBODY KNOWS WHAT'S GOING ON, AT ALL.

I love it. Why no nods, Academy? Do you not recognize true EXCELLENCE?

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 11:25 pm (UTC)(link)
HAHAHA! IT ALL MAKES SENSE NOW! Now I'm sort of sad I didn't see this episode of CI. Is it a Goren eppy? Obviously Jason Behr knew about Scientist Dude's ~unsavory~ connections.

I also find it infinitely hilarious that these are the only two quotes on IMDB:
I remember reading that awhile ago when someone was convincing me of the epic of D-Wars and laughing really hard. Those are the memorable quotes! NO ONE UNDERSTANDS!

I love it. Why no nods, Academy? Do you not recognize true EXCELLENCE?
D-Wars was robbed! Slumdog Millionarie what? D-WARS had dinos with rocket launchers!

[identity profile] littlehutt.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 11:44 pm (UTC)(link)
That's just... I have no words. Just laughs.
Thank you so much for making this awesome and really, really hilarious picspam!

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-11 11:50 pm (UTC)(link)
That's the appropriate reaction to D-Wars I think. So many epic luz. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

[identity profile] tasume521.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 12:39 am (UTC)(link)
oh my goodness, this made me lol irl so hard. this was made by a korean director, btw-- and the chinese symbols that the girl posts up on the walls are korean-- they used to read things in chinese characters before they invented the korean alphabet

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 04:42 am (UTC)(link)
Yay! Thanks I'm glad you liked it! Also thanks for clearing that up for me. I noticed that the director seemed to be Korean when I was capping and I figured that there was some Korean-historical stuff that I was missing. That makes a lot of sense.

[identity profile] pinkspots.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 12:46 am (UTC)(link)
Wow...I don't even know where to start. This is life changing. And judging from the already HUGE thread, I'm not the only one who thinks so. I mean...where do I even start? I'm going to have to bullet list this.

-e "I will get you medical attention if you give me a better price!" And Papa Petrelli is like "LOL OK GET ME SOME HERBS
BWAHAHAHA that was so epic!!!

-You're such an asshole'.
LOLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The flashback counting: PERFECT!! I understand what I difficult undertaking it must have been to understand w(when)tf was going on.

Reason 5: LOLOL INSERT KOREAN THINGS HERE!
AHAHA Chinese! STILL NOT KOREAN! AMAZING.

Reason 6: Cars + Ninja= OTP?
Cars are magnetically attracted to Ninja! lolllls I loved this scene. And how they just left Daryl to die at the hands of angry Ninja. Maybe he got scared off by Daryl's piece.

Later, Daryl gives the gun to Jason Behr and says "You need this more than I do". O_O Why did you need it in the first place?!
HAHAHA!!! Because he has a perfectly upstanding job at the newspaper, WHY WOULDN'T HE NEED A PIECE???

Reason 10: NINJA!!
Oh zomg. The old lady...the smiley face...the GIF!!!!! I have NO WORDS. NO WORDS. This is so amazing. MY MIND. IT IS BLOWN.

NINJA FIERCE!!! WUUUUTTTTTT!!!!!!!

LOL LOL LOL!!!! MOON PRISM POWER. AHAHA. OM NOM NOM! IZ IN UR UNDERWORLD EATIN UR GRLFRIENDS SOUL! *belches soulball* OOPS GIVE THT BAK PLZ!!!

As Capt. Awesome would say..OUTSTANDING!!!! I had to wipe tears from my cheeks...but real tears of mirth, not emo dragon tears of SOUL LEAKAGE. Truly epic job bb!!!

EDIT: I icon'ed some of my favorites!
Edited 2009-03-12 01:18 (UTC)

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 05:05 am (UTC)(link)
Ok FIRSTLY? THOSE ICONS MAKE MY SOUL SING! I really need the NINJA FIERCE one so I have to figure out what icon to delete to make that happen. But I have a feeling I will be using this icon a lot. What now sucka? How about I shoot these tiny bullets into your giant, helicopter-eating face muthafucker! LOL! Best. Scene. Ever!

This is life changing.
This is all your fault too. ALL YOUR FAULT. LOLOL! The epic of D-WARS had to be shared with the world.

The flashback counting: PERFECT!! I understand what I difficult undertaking it must have been to understand w(when)tf was going on.
When we were watching it I was literally losing track of how many flashbacks there were. I was like "oh noes not another flashback!" I love that the first solid half hour of the movie is just flashback! LOLOL!

And how they just left Daryl to die at the hands of angry Ninja. Maybe he got scared off by Daryl's piece.
LOL! I love how they just left him to die. "He'll be ok! He has his gun! It'll be fine!" Meanwhile they just leave him with Ninja who can blow things up with his hand! lol!

Because he has a perfectly upstanding job at the newspaper, WHY WOULDN'T HE NEED A PIECE???
The first thing I did when I had that newspaper internship was go out and get a piece. It's totally normal. ALL REAL REPORTERS HAVE A GUN IN THE GLOVE(R) COMPARTMENT!

True story, I tried to figure out the gif because you were like "lol need gif nao" when we were watching. I found a gif maker (and bookmarked! I'm gonna have fun with that now lol!) that's really super easy to use online. I will have to send you the link. GIF TIME!

NINJA FIERCE!!! I want Ninja to come out with an album called I am....Ninja Fierce and for it to have one side that's all soulful songs about being hit by cars and chased by crazy old ladies that are like power ballads. But the other side will be all these pop-star ~diva~ dance tracks about dinos and explosions and killing!

OM NOM NOM! IZ IN UR UNDERWORLD EATIN UR GRLFRIENDS SOUL! *belches soulball* OOPS GIVE THT BAK PLZ!!!
BWAHAHAHAHA!! That's amazing!!

I still can't get over the icons. They give me great joy! I'm saving them allllll!

[identity profile] note-sarcasm.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 01:41 am (UTC)(link)
OMG ITS MAX EVANS!!!!!!

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 05:13 am (UTC)(link)
MAX EVANS AND DINOSAURS! Who knew there was such a perfect combo!?

[identity profile] topazera.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 02:20 am (UTC)(link)
AHAHAHA, THIS IS LIKE, THE MOST RANDOMLY EPIC POST ABOUT SOMETHING NO ONE'S EVERY HEARD OF EVEEEEER! That's it, you need be crowned Miss Lulzy Commentary of 2009 for this. I can't even tell how close I came to DYING of laughter while reading. It combined ~FASHION~ and NINJAS and DAZZLING and DINOS W/ BAZOOKS and LEAVING PEOPLE TO DIE HORRIBLE, HORRIBLE DEATHS. ...This entertainment is too WONDERFUL to possibly exist.

Highlights!:
Or is it, by chance, the fact that Jason Behr is sporting what can only be described as 70s porn hair?
I LOVE how it often seem to flip a bit behind his ears! I hope they have blow dryers and round brushes IN HELL for you, Max, or your perky hair is really going to suffer. OH, WAIT. THIS HAS ALL HAPPENED BEFORE, IT WILL ALL HAPPEN AGAIN.

I guess this helps with cooking? 'What the next ingredient? Butterfly, happy, life! Got it!"
AHAHAHA, TRUUUTH.

NINJA GETS HIT AGAIN BY ANOTHER CAR! LOLOLLOLOLOL! This is really just not Ninja's day.
It's the second car that makes it art.

So she proceeds to walk RIGHT into the fence and then looks puzzled. It's hilarious and it's even better because there is absolutely no reason for this scene to exist.
BRB, DYING OF LOOOOL!

I think he's just making noises and the movie just subtitles it as language. Which is SO FUNNY. At one point at the end of the movie he goes "AUGGGHHHHHH!!" and the subtitles have a WHOLE SENTENCE. For one sound. LOL!
All I can think of is:

XDDDD

SAILOR MOON REFERENCE! A++++ You know, I think she also bought her broach at Claire's, Accessories of Great Dazzle branch!

Jason Behr is like "Awesome. I think I'll build me a house right by that empty crater across from that vast wasteland of nothingness!" WTF? Good luck finding food and water! Good luck finding another Claire's so you can replace your broach! BE A LITTLE CONCERNED MAN!
DUDE, I CAN'T EVEN. You rock my world. I must see this. Tomorrow, this movie is going to have the most perplexing spike in popularity that Netflix has ever seen. Thanks for all the laffs, bb! <3

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 05:28 am (UTC)(link)
THIS IS LIKE, THE MOST RANDOMLY EPIC POST ABOUT SOMETHING NO ONE'S EVERY HEARD OF EVEEEEER!
If this post had a blurb like they have on the back of movies this is exactly what it would say! LOL!

you need be crowned Miss Lulzy Commentary of 2009 for this.
Awwww! Thanks bb! I just bringing the raw power of D-WARS to the masses is good enough for me! Seriously how can a movie have so many lolarious things in it? DINOS WITH BAZOOKAS AND BAD 70S PORN HAIR! (Speaking of? I'm loving the theory that Max's hell dimension turns into the island and then he pops up in the 70s on LOST all "hai guyz! Anyone want one of my dragon scale necklaces? Hey, all you guys have mustard blazers too! That's awesome!")

I hope they have blow dryers and round brushes IN HELL for you, Max, or your perky hair is really going to suffer.
HAHA! This comment made me laugh so much. I just imagined Max all up in the hell desert like "THE HUMIDITY IS RUINING MY FARRAH-HAIR!"

All I can think of is:
HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! NINJA/VADER OTP y/y?

SAILOR MOON REFERENCE! A++++ You know, I think she also bought her broach at Claire's, Accessories of Great Dazzle branch!
Oh you know it! Claire's probably has a whole magical branch where people like Sailor Moon and Max and Edward Cullen can get their dazzle-accesorries for cheap! Not all superheroes have bling bbs! And then like a day after they buy them the cheapo thing breaks. lol!

You rock my world. I must see this. Tomorrow, this movie is going to have the most perplexing spike in popularity that Netflix has ever seen. Thanks for all the laffs, bb!
OMG IF that happened I would laugh so hard! I'm imagining the people at Netflix like "Why does everyone want to see D-Wars? I didn't even realize we HAD a movie called D-Wars!" LOL! You must experience the wonder and beauty of D-Wars for yourself!

(no subject)

[identity profile] topazera.livejournal.com - 2009-03-12 06:56 (UTC) - Expand

[identity profile] kaysuiko.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 02:40 am (UTC)(link)
Omg... I need to see this movie. Also, I <3 your awesome recaps of movies. A+

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 05:15 am (UTC)(link)
Haha it's so epic! Sarah and Jen saw it and Sarah was like "You have no idea how bad it is! NO IDEA!" And it's just...there aren't even words. You have to see it!

[identity profile] smelltheflowers.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 03:39 am (UTC)(link)

Seriously, no words can explain how much this post made me laugh. Out loud. Yes, seriously.


You are awesome ♥

Edited 2009-03-12 03:40 (UTC)

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 05:17 am (UTC)(link)
LOL! Thanks! I'm glad you liked it! :) This gif makes my night! Marshall's face when he comes around the second time is so classic!

[identity profile] accordingtomel.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 04:09 am (UTC)(link)
So one of my lj friends told me to check this out and MAN AM I GLAD I DID!! Never even heard of this ever, but this was possibly the most hilarious thing I have seen in WEEKS!!! Wow! I'm surprised I'm not crying from all the laughing I just did ;). That was fantastic! It's movies like this that remind me that entertainment =/= quality, ROFL! ;D

[identity profile] mojotastic.livejournal.com 2009-03-12 05:19 am (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you liked it! Man, I'm flattered that someone recc'd it. :) D-Wars is like unintentional comedy GOLD. Any movie where dinos have bazookas is obviously full of quality!

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